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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190606">Foam War</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Female_Death/pseuds/Female_Death'>Female_Death</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angels, Archangels, Crazy idea, Demons, Foam Bats, God thinks this is funny, Power of Two Bats, War, duke of hell, free for all, fun little story, no sides, prince of hell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 22:14:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Female_Death/pseuds/Female_Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>God has seen how hard it is for both angels and demons to return to normal work without the war happening between the two sides. So God comes up with a better plan to let everyone blow off some steam. Who knew foam bats could be so useful.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Foam War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello all, this idea popped into my head and wouldn't leave until I put it on paper ( the computer ). So please enjoy this silly story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a month from the time the world didn't end. Crowley and Aziraphale had been spending almost everyday together with their new found freedom. Neither had heard from their head offices and were happy to continue on without ever hearing from them again. They guessed some day soon heaven and hell may come looking for them, but until then they were going to enjoy life to its fullest.</p><p>At this moment Crowley was laying with his head on Aziraphale's lap napping. Aziraphale was gently running his fingers through Crowley hair putting him to sleep more and more. Aziraphale's other hand was holding the current book he was reading. He would use the arm of the couch to place the book down and turn the page. He did not want to wake Crowley now that he had gotten him to settle down.</p><p>Neither felt any power as an envelope appeared on the table in front of them beside Aziraphale's tea. It would sit there until it was noticed. This took several hours because Aziraphale had forgotten he had made tea for himself and was enjoying the silence. And would be there for another hour before either dared to pick it up.</p><p>It was finally Aziraphale who after nervously fiddling with this book leaned forward to pick up the letter. Crowley had gotten up and was pacing spouting off what the envelope could contain and suggesting that they just take everything out of the book shop other then the table the enovlope was sitting on and never look back. He froze when Aziraphale broke the seal.</p><p>It was far to late to go back now, and Aziraphale pointed out that the seal was from God, and not the angels.</p><p>Crowley took a few extra moments before moving over and sitting beside Aziraphale to read the letter as well. It was to late for them to say they had not seen it.</p><p>~ </p><p>Gabriel paced in his office with an envelope sitting in the middle of his desk. A seal he had not seen in a long time kept the envelope closed. Metatron was sitting in a chair watching Gabriel pace. Sandalphon was to the right nervously tapping on the arm rest of his chair. Michael was standing at the window looking out at nothing. Uriel was by the door watching the others nervously.</p><p>Metatron was the first to break the silence. “It is from God. We much open it. It was told to me that the active archangels together much open it.” His voice carried even when he was speaking normally. “It would be unthinkable to leave this any longer.”</p><p>Gabriel stopped and looked at the others for a moment. This was the first time in a very very long time that God had sent any kind of letter. And the first time it required all the archangels to be together for the information. Taking a deep breath he nods and crosses over to this desk and reaches out for the envelope before hesitating.</p><p>Metatron sighs and snatches the letter breaking the seal and pulling out the piece of paper. He was already upset that God had made him deliver the letter without knowing what it contained. He was not going to wait any longer before finding out.</p><p>Everyone in the room held their breath as Metatron scanned the letter then started to read it out loud to everyone.</p><p>~</p><p>Beelzebub stared at the letter that appeared an hour ago. She had not seen the seal since the war with heaven and was not sure she wanted to know what it said. Normally she would have her legs up on the desk but thought it rude with a letter sealed with Gods seal sitting in the middle of it. It has taken a month to get everything working in hell again. </p><p>Dagon sat forward in their chair hands folded under their chin. Hastur was pacing and mumbling about how none of this could be good. Ligur who had been killed by holy water, only to be brought back to life when Adam had reset the world was less nervous. He was more or less just observing and waiting to see what would happen. His memory was spotty about the day he died, but he had not thought to ask any question and to count ( as much as he didn't like it ) his blessings.</p><p>It was Hastur stopping and stalking over to Beelzebub's desk that broke the tension. “We could just burn it and not deal with it.” He didn't dare touch the letter in it's crisp white envelope.</p><p>“No, I believe that wouldn't be a great plan.” Beelzebub lifted her eyes from the letter to stare at Hastur. “Really should open it. It is not from the angelz. It is from her, herself. We can not just get rid of it. Pluz I doubt it would burn anywayz.” She returned her eyes to the envelope.</p><p>Ligur lit up a cigarette and takes a long pull from it. “Just open it then. Worse that happens is it removes everyone in this room.” He blows out the smoke with a laugh. “Best that happens is we don't stand around for another hour wondering what to do.” This earned him a glare from the others in the room.</p><p>Dagon leans back and sighs. “I have to agree. If it was something bad, then I think it would have already happened. Maybe it is going to inform us of the next step we need to take.”</p><p>Beelzebub grunts and reaches forward for the envelope and carefully picks it up. She doesn't burst into flame so she breaks the seal and and pulls out the letter. She looks up at each of the demons in the room with her before unfolding it and starting to read out loud.</p><p>~</p><p>“Dear Children,</p><p>I understand you were all expecting a war and have been put off that it did not come to be. I understand it has been hard for you all to return back to what you were doing before. So I believe I have come up with a solution. There will be a war, but not one that will destroy the earth and the creations that I have placed there. No one will be killed in this war, so I am sorry for anyone hoping that would happen.</p><p>Do not worry yourselves about preparing for this war. It will happen shortly and on a neutral ground where none of my creations will be harmed. Everyone will take part in this war other then Metatron who is the voice of God and will be taking a break for the next while.”</p><p>The letter was signed with God's symbol that glowed faintly and warmly.</p><p>~</p><p>Three days from the time the letters were delivered a large plain came into being large enough to house a war between angels and demons. There was nothing but flat land and open air.</p><p>Two day after that each angel and demon received the knowledge of this area and knew when they were going to be summon there. One day after that all angels and demons found themselves standing in large groups holding foam bats. No one dared question what was happening and just waited.</p><p>A beam of light appeared in roughly the middle of the area. “Thank you all for gathering here. I understand all of you my have some question, but I do not have the answers you my think I do. I will say everything that has happen up until now has been part of the ineffable plan.” The beam flicked for a moment before glowing a little more brightly. “I know many of you were all hoping for a war. And well that was not part of the plan. I believe I have found a way to resolve that without the needless killing.”</p><p>There was a low mumble across the field as no one knew what to do. It had been so long from the last time the angels had hear God's voice, and even longer for the demons.</p><p>“Now that being said this is a war, but no one is going to be killed. I am aware some of your vessels will perish well facing a greater foe. But the aim is not to destroy ones vessel, but to get out your need for war and fighting. Any vessel damaged or destroyed will be restored afterwards” The light glowed softly. “Anyone who is knocked out with be removed from the field, both for their safety and to remove a tripping hazard.”</p><p>The light seems to pause in thought for a moment. “I believe some of you may have some anger to take out on the other side, but for this combat you may chose to fight who ever you want.”</p><p>“The rules are simple. You will not use anything what would harm the soul residing within the body anyone is housed in. Angels can not smite any demons, well Demons can not poison or curse any angels.” </p><p>“No holy water or hell fire will come into effect.” The light turns dark for a moment and fear spreads out among everyone. “Anyone who thinks they can break that rule will deal with me. Angel or demon. In any rank will be punished.” The light stays dark for another moment before going back to it's gentle glow.</p><p>“I know you may be hesitant to fight someone then have the repercussions down the road for doing so. After this war is done, you will not remember who you fought unless you want to remember or be remembered. Meaning you can chose to fight someone close to you to get some of the pent up anger out and do not have to worry about anything afterwards. Once this is done, I do hope you will all no longer feel the need to fight. But this kind of war can happen again maybe in smaller groups next time.”</p><p>“One last note. As I am sure everyone has noticed that you are holding a bat. More so a foam bat. This is the weapon that you will use in this war.” The light sparkled for a moment in laughter. “Enough of me talking. Please begin and remember this is for all of you.” With that the light disappeared. </p><p>No one moved at first unsure what to do. Then a demon turned and swung at an angel and after that everyone started fighting.</p><p>~</p><p>Michael being an archangel trained in combat found no problem in striking down opponents and defending herself. She challenged anyone who wanted to try to take her on. She was honorable about it and if someone went down she would let them give up or get back to their feet before continuing. It was when she turned her back looking for the next demon to challenge that she met the first angel who thought they could beat her. She laughed and let them make the first attack. Within moments they were disarmed and pushed aside. A note was made to train up some of the angels a little more because they were getting sloppy.</p><p>Dagon enjoyed striking down the nearest angels and stalked after others looking for a good fight. They choose their targets carefully and made sure to go after those who thought they were doing well. They delivered a few cheap shots and not all of them were against angels. Their were a few chose demons who felt the swing of Dagon's bat.</p><p>Beelzebub took the nearest angel out at the knees and delivered a few good hits to keep them down. Seeing the angel did not need their bat any more, she picked it up and grinned before looking around for her next target. A bold demon seeking glory tried to land a well placed hit on the prince of hell. But Beelzebub with one swift movement knocked them back into another group fighting.</p><p>Sandalphon cleared the few demons that came after him with little trouble. He grinned in the face of any lower demon who thought they could take him on. He may not be able to smite them, but he could make sure they were no longer in the fight. It was when he had his back to a group of angels someone scored a few good hits. Turning to face who ever thought they could challenge him, he was surprised to see angels glaring back. He was about to question what they thought they were doing when one of them took another swing. It was easily blocked, but Sandalphon was not expecting for so many to start swinging at once. Once a few more good hit were landed demons and angels started teaming up to bring down the archangel. Soon Sandalphon was helpless under the attack of a group of angels and demons keeping him down.</p><p>Uriel chooses to stay more on the defensive and not actively seek out someone to fight. She started to pick out both angels and demons who were getting over whelmed and would lend them a hand in defending themselves and getting them back into the fight. This earned her a small following who would join in helping others and watching Uriel's back when it was needed.</p><p>Hastur and Ligur had agreed to just stick together and remove anyone that got close to them. It was not hard for them to pick off any target they desired to take down. They started targeting large groups and remove both angels and demons from the fight.</p><p>Gabriel was challenged immediately by a demon seeking to take down an archangel. Gabriel just laughed and used one strike to send the demon into another group near by. He smiled as he seeks out demons to strike down and remove from the combat.</p><p>The yelps from a group of demons brought Beelzebub's eyes to Gabriel who was clearing an easy path through lesser demons. A dark smirk crossed her face as she used her smaller size to stalk closer without be noticed. With Gabriel's back turned to her she placed a solid hit between his shoulder sending him off balance. He whirls looking for who dared think they could take him on. When his eyes land on Beelzebub his smile faltered a little. This only made Beelzebub's smirk grow, as she swings again with the bat in her left hand. Gabriel almost makes it look easy blocking the swing but the grin on his face falls away when he is hit with the bat in Beelzebub's right hand. He steps back a few steps into a group of fighting angels and demons. They scatter quickly as a fire blazes in the archangel's eyes.</p><p>“I would call that cheating.” Gabriel narrows his eyes. </p><p>Beelzebub barks a laugh and makes a show of flipping one of her bats. “Nothing was zaid about using two batz. Come on pigeon, can't ztand against little old me?” She points the bat she is not flipping at Gabriel.</p><p>Gabriel moves to swing but is blocked with ease well receiving an off hand hit. As much as he had trained and for all the power he had, he was being pushed back by the small prince of hell. The duel welding of bats broke his defense every time. Anytime he tried to swing he was blocked and hit. If he just tried to stay on the defensive he could only hold one bat at bay well the other landed a hit.</p><p>Uriel paused in her stride and looks around spotting Hastur and Ligur moving through groups and targeting those who were not paying attention. She let out a short huff and started towards the pair planning on removing them from the combat. She is no fool in knowing they were both powerful. But she knew they were both narrow minded and she would work off of that. </p><p>The angels and demons who Uriel had helping followed steps behind. “Go and flank them. Make sure to blend in then that your shot when you can.” Uriel commanded and her flock scattered ready to do what they needed.</p><p>Hastur saw Uriel appear out of a crowd and turn fully to face her. He nudged Ligur and points. “Looks like we might have a bit of a challenge or you know just another angel thinking they can take us down.”</p><p>Ligur makes a sound of agreement but seems a little more on guard then his partner. “I am sure it is going to be a good fight.”</p><p>Uriel offers a kind smile. “I would give you the first attack, but I don't think you would wait in line for a fair fight.” She narrows her eyes. “So I am going to drop the fair part and start following your example.” She steps forward and swings.</p><p>Hastur has no problem blocking and grins as Ligur moves to strike Uriel. The problem that they run into is the sudden appearance of angels and demons attacking as one. Pushing Ligur into a defensive stance well Hastur has to continue to block blows from Uriel.</p><p>Michael rolls her shoulder and looks around carefully. She had not been this active for a long time. She had been keeping the angels in heaven in shape, but all of that was just training exercises. None of it ever measured up to really fighting someone. Even without a sword in hand, defending against a foam bat with the force of an immortal being behind it worked muscles she had not used in a long time.</p><p>Michael would have called it a yelp, Gabriel would have called it something else. But the sound that Gabriel made drew Michael's attention away from the demon in front of her. The demon took the chance to strike but without looking Michael countered and started heading towards Gabriel. She could see a small area had appeared around Gabriel and Beelzebub where no one dared venture. Beelzebub was keeping Gabriel pinned well threatening anyone who dared to come close enough.</p><p>Both angels and demons parted for Michael as she moved forward. It was not until she was only meters away from where Beelzebub was striking Gabriel that a demon stepped into her way.</p><p>Dagon grinned and made sure Michael could not get by them. “Let them have it out. I think you need a real fight. Lets see how all that training in heaven has been going.” Dagon surged forward with a solid swing.</p><p>Michael had not let her guard down met Dagon's swing evenly. As much as she wanted to offer some aid to Gabriel she knew this fight was going to take her away from doing so. The archangel was on his own as Michael turned her full attention to Dagon and driving them back.</p><p>Sandalphon had been disarmed and easily over come with the amount of angels and demons choosing to target him. All of those who were attacking him worked together to keep him from retreating or gaining any ground back. He was not going to be knocked out by them, but he could do little else but try to defended himself.</p><p>Beelzebub let out a loud laugh after delivering another few blows to Gabriel. “Behold the power of two batz!” She did not let up on her attack and made sure to keep Gabriel down as often as she could.</p><p>Aziraphale and Crowley had appeared together and stuck together through the combat. Not to many angels and demons really challenged them. Most of them seemed to have there own agenda for this war. They had appeared on the edge of the battle field and after a few fights had retreated farther away to watch.</p><p>“I can not believe the all mighty thought this up.” Crowley peered over this sunglasses at the chaos going on. “What was she thinking? I mean this is genus. Everyone gets to fight.” He hold up his bat for a moment. “And with foam bats?” He let out laugh.</p><p>Aziraphale fiddled with the bat in his hands. “Do you really think this will solve the need for war?” He just gets a shrug from Crowley. “Oh, I hope we do not have to take part in any other wars.” He sighs to himself.</p><p>Crowley sighs and stretches for a moment. “It seems like most of the fighting is over. Shouldn't be long before we can all go home. Plus God said no one will remember what happened, other then they fought a war.” He eyes Aziraphale for a moment before booping him with his bat.</p><p>Aziraphale's response is to narrow his eyes as his bat lights on fire.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed this. I am sure you can pick out some characters I dislike a little and some that I like a lot.</p><p>Please be sure to comment and leave a Kudos. I live on Kudos.</p><p>You can find me at @thefemaledeath on tumblr if you would like to. I am almost always around checking things and stalking others.</p><p>I have done some other Good Omens stories so please be sure to check them out.</p><p>I am also open to random ideas for writing,</p></blockquote></div></div>
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